FROM Jun 4, 2005: Racing Stripes was your typical kids' movie with talking farm animals and an outcast who wants to make it to the bigtime. Previously it was a mouse who wanted to be a man and a pig who wanted to herd sheep, and now there is the zebra who wants to be a race horse. Featuring the voices of Dustin Hoffmann, Mandy Moore, Frankie Muniz, Whoopi Goldberg, Steve Harvey, David Spade, Jeff Foxworthy, Joe Pantoliano, Snoop Dogg, and Michael Clarke Duncan, and enough pop culture references to have the kids laughing and their parents wondering when it will all end, Racing Stripes is a tale of farm animals convincing their owners to get a zebra on the racetrack.
And why is it that any animal can speak the same language as another animal outside its species, but humans have no idea what their animals are saying? Sure, it's a movie for kids, but you gotta think these things through, people.
C-
Alone In the Dark: Christian Slater attempts to save the earth from symbiotic hell-spawn. A lot of fighting, a lot of monsters you can't really see, a lot of guns, a lot of blandness and monotony. The title is scary, but the movie is not.
F
White Noise & Boogieman: Shadowy figures look to harm the living and the dead. Mystery and a few well-placed scares follow. The ending is anti-climactic or makes no sense. Good names, fair acting, average or poor special effects. Basically not much to look at.
White Noise: F+
Boogieman: D-
Quote of the Week: "Oh my God! Women are the cows of People!"
-Reese, Malcom in the Middle
Hopefully, no women were harmed emotionally in the posting of this message. If you own any of the movies reviewed above, burn them immediately. Your computer will explode in seven seconds.
SW@,
out.
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